


Smile

by greeneyedlover13



Series: Battle of the Bands [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bands, Break ups and make ups, Fluff, Heterochromia!Eren, Levi is pretty mushy in this, M/M, Singing, Sloppy Backseat Blowjobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 20:43:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1701902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greeneyedlover13/pseuds/greeneyedlover13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanji convinces Levi to come see her band that has a new lead singer. There, Levi sees a boy who connects everything in place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smile

**Author's Note:**

> Right now, currently unedited. This is a continuation of Battle of the Bands: This is War, set two years after. 
> 
> I don't own the song.
> 
> Smile-- Sixx.A.M.
> 
> My friend made a small comic. God bless her.--> http://greeneyedskank.tumblr.com/post/94376865101/my-friend-drawing-comics-of-my-works-shes

It’s been two and a half weeks since Eren last looked at me with his piercing eyes. His beautiful, large eyes that illuminate his features and speaks unspoken words for him. I swear, the kid could go the rest of his life never having to explain his goddamn feelings to anyone because the emotions in his eyes are so easy to read it’s almost unbearable, but against my better judgment, I find it strangely addicting. The different colored eyes that—he doesn’t know and he will _never_ know—have such an effect on me. They render me speechless at vulnerable moments, leaving me tongue tied as I stare at the green and gold orbs that seem to fucking sparkle when the light hits them just right.

It’s been two and a half weeks since I broke up with Eren, causing his _annoying_ eyes to drip tears onto his quivering cheeks. I can’t close my own eyes for long periods of time because within minutes I start to see his painted on the insides of my eyelids. Which, I admit annoyingly, makes sense because I’ve been looking into those eyes almost every day for two years.

My body isn’t all that wet anymore, but my hair is still dripping from my earlier shower. A towel is wrapped around my waist; the only thing covering me from being completely nude. I’m not ready to take the towel off because when I do I have to look at the disappearing hickie that marks my hipbone. When I take off the towel and see the yellowing bruise, I have to come to terms that that may be the last time I will ever have a hickie from Eren.

My hands tighten into fists. _No_ , I think venomously. The faded love bite on my body _will definitely_ be the last from Eren fucking Jaeger. Why? Because I choose it to be. I don’t need his dirty mouth anywhere near my skin. I don’t want his captivating eyes anywhere close to me, I don’t want to give him the chance to pull me in again. I’m not emotionally strong enough to plunge into the waters of his eyes and stay afloat.

Though, he will never, ever know that. Eren doesn’t know the effect he has on me.

 _Which is why all this happened_ , a small part of my conscious whispers.

I groan and fall backward onto my bed, still naked and wet. I don’t care that I’m getting my pillows soggy or that my body shivers at the cold air that blows around my apartment. All I can see as I stare up at the ceiling is the ghost of Eren’s face. The face he made when he told me he cheated. Eren’s face when he hiccupped and cried and begged for forgiveness because he slept with Jean.

 _“It was when you wanted a break,”_ he had gushed, _“but I knew you didn’t really mean anything by ‘break’…”_

He was right. I never had any intention of us ever breaking up. I just needed space. Away from him or away from myself, I don’t know. I think about his eyes again and come to the conclusion that I needed space away from _myself_.

Eren is—was—always there. My apartment feels empty without him. He always says the right things, always defuses the raging flames. All I ever do is push. Push and push and push him away. But he always comes back. He’s like a dog in many ways. Faithful, energetic, loving, and _pure._ I push him away because I know he always comes back.

I guess the last time I pushed him away, he strayed from the path a bit.

I know I didn’t break up with him because he cheated. I’m not even pissed that he fucked Jean or Jean fucked him or what the fuck ever. I’m honestly surprised Eren hasn’t cheated before in the two years we’ve been together. Since the night we became a couple after the Battle of the Bands, Eren has been nothing but patient and faithful and I’ve been almost nothing but distant and cold.

For the first few months, I blamed it on the fact that, before Eren, I’ve never had a boyfriend before. I didn’t know how to treat anyone I’ve slept with—besides Erwin, because unfortunately the dick is my best friend—like a human being instead of a living sex doll, after I’ve fucked them. Eren was the first person to ever spend more than one night in my bed. Eren is the only one who’s ever fucked me in all positions, and I not get bored of it. Sex with Eren was exciting and passionate. Some of the times we fucked, it felt like our first time all over again. My body quickly got used to the fact that Eren was always close. That, I knew, I could handle.

It was when my heart got used to the idea of Eren always being there that I started to push.

Each time Eren came inside me, each time Eren picked up dinner on his way over to my apartment, each time Eren ran his fingers through my hair while we watched stupid movies, my heart strained and pattered in my chest. It was like the fucking thing wanted to claw its way out of its cavity and rest in Eren’s lap. On the nights Eren stayed in his dorm instead of my bed, my heart ached at the empty spot next to me. My body would feel cold and I’d roll over until my nose was pushed up against the pillow Eren used. It seemed Eren’s faint scent on my pillows dulled the weird feelings in my chest until Eren made another appearance.

It’s been almost three weeks and Eren’s scent is still woven between the threads holding my pillowcases together.

I close my eyes, breathing in heavily, unconsciously trying to pull in Eren’s smell.

Eren’s face was so open. He cried so much when he told me about Jean. He cried more then, than the time he told me about his mother’s death. He had looked at me with fear in his eyes. I know it wasn’t fear _of me_ but fear _of what I was going to do_. I had made him that way. I had made him edgy and hesitant with all my pushing. It wasn’t the first time I’ve seen that fear in his eyes. I’ve seen it every time I walked away from him or refused to answer his probing questions.

I wanted to ask him why he wanted to stay with me, when staying with me caused that look in his eyes. I wanted to ask him what I did for him, because I sure as fuck knew I didn’t give him the feelings of love and patience he gave me.

 _“Why are you even with me?”_ I had asked, completely ignoring Eren’s frantic explaining about his adultery. _“I do nothing but hurt you. Look at you. Fucking gross. I do nothing but make you this way.”_

 _“Levi… No, I, uh, no…”_ Eren had stuttered, shocked at the turn of conversation, his eyes had widened considerably.

 _“Tell me then; why?”_ My voice was hard when I hissed them. A small part of me wanted to hear him name off a long list of things of why he wanted to be with me. I wanted him to stop crying and lose the goddamn fear in his eyes and reassure me that I was good for him.

I knew I wasn’t when he just stood there, watching me with glossy eyes and an open mouth.

 _“So that’s it, huh? Well, I guess you can keep fucking Jean, then,”_ okay, I know that was a low blow, but even though it was unknown to him, I was hurting too, _“We’re over.”_

It’s been two and a half weeks since I walked away from Eren, when all I really wanted was to walk into him and wrap my arms around him and never let go. It never occurred to me to tell him how I felt—fuck okay, still goddamn feel—because I know if I told him, he would feel obligated to stay with me no matter what, because that’s the kind of brat Eren is.

I walked away from him, giving him the space _he_ , not me this time, needed. I was tired of seeing the fear in his eyes. I was tired of constantly pushing him away because I was afraid of the shit storm going on inside of me when I was near him. I was tired of not being good enough for him.

My phone buzzes with an incoming call on my side table. I groan, not really in the mood to talk to anyone. I never was when I think about Eren. What even got me thinking about Eren in the first place? Fuck. I sigh, everything in this apartment reminds me of him.

I reach out an arm that barely reaches the side table and pick up my phone. Hanji’s picture is lighting up the screen. It’s a picture of herself she took almost a year ago when her and Mike, and me and Eren went on a bullshit double date to an amusement park. The picture happened because I accidently left it on the table we were sitting at when I went to the restroom, somehow that entitled her to unlock it, take seventy ridiculous pictures of herself doing the duck face with Mike _and_ Eren, fucking traitor, and set one up for her contact picture. I’m lazy, so I haven’t changed it yet.

I slide to unlock and press the phone to my ear. “What the shit do you want?”

Hanji’s laugh vibrates into my eardrum. “Hello to you too, grumpy butt.”

I click my tongue, “I’m hanging up now.”

“Hold on, hold on. Just let me say something real quick, then you can continue to play with the stick up your ass.” Hanji says lightly. She probably has a cheeky grin on her face. Bitch.

Hanji doesn’t know the full story about the breakup. I left out the part about Jean, because really, that’s more my fault than Eren’s, and told her I just didn’t want to be with Eren anymore. Which was half a lie and half the truth.

“Bitch,” I say to her comment, “What do you want?”

“We’ve got a show tonight. You’re coming.”

“I am, am I?” I ask, disinterested. This isn’t the first time she’s tried to get me to come to a Scouting Legion performance since I sang for her, two years ago. I’d go to a show or two, but only because Eren made me.

“Yup!” I can hear Hanji’s toothy smile.

I remember something. “Wait, didn’t you kick Erd out?” I ask.

“God, you don’t listen to anything do you? Erd had to quit because he got his girlfriend pregnant. He couldn’t sing for us anymore because he needed to get a real job.”

“Ew, fucking heteros and their straight sex.” I say, examining the nails on the hand not hold my phone to my ear.

Hanji giggles, “I know right. Disgusting.” She says as she has sex with her boyfriend almost every night.

“So who’s the new singer?”

“That’s why I’m inviting you, dickweed. You’ve been depressed, and I get that, but you need to get out, get drunk, and listen to some awesome music that will make you want to fuck.”

“So why are you inviting me to see _your_ band?” I dig some dirt that under the nail on my middle finger with the nail of my thumb.

“Are you still upset because we kicked you out?”

I roll my eyes. “You keep telling yourself you kicked me out. And even if you did, I was the best thing to ever happen to your shitty band.”

“A few weeks ago, that statement would have been true, my little friend.”

I ignore the add on to her sentence, “Why is it false now?”

“I guess you’ll have to come and find out!” There’s something in her voice that’s different. I’ve been friends with the bitch since middle school and I know when she’s hiding something. And she most definitely is hiding something.

“What are you up to?” I ask.

“I don’t know what you’re taking about! So yeah…” Hanji informs me of a time and place, which turns out to be one of the better, cleaner, bars a few towns over. Hanji hangs up with a hurried goodbye and I’m left with my phone pressed to my ear, a wet pillow that fuels the ache in my chest, and a towel that has loosened and opened to let the almost invisible reminder of my exboyfriend show.

 

 

***

 

 

Parking is a bitch. Both sides of the road are all taken up by the bar the Scouting Legion is playing at. From the looks of the building, it’s smaller than the regular bars Hanji, Ewrin, and Mike play at, but it looks cleaner and more put together than most they play at. There’s no neon, blinking lights shaped into beer logos in the windows. There’s no vomit stains on the street near the front entrance. The bar is a little pub wedged between a drugstore and a burger joint. The only neon light that shines down onto the road is _Wallgreens_.

Painted letters, _Trost Gateway Bar_ , on the red door is the only indication of the bar. As I park my car in a lot two blocks from the bar, I see people ranging from late teens to—from the looks of it—early thirties. I follow a small crowd of women. All of which are wearing heels way too high and skirts way too small. I see a flash of an asscheek from a short-haired blonde.

I roll my eyes, annoyed with it all. I remind myself I only came because it’s been awhile since I last fucked something that wasn’t my hand. I remind myself I only came because of the promise of a much needed angst fuck later tonight. A fuck that will not have green or golden eyes. A fuck with either blond or red hair.

My toes are already hurting. I’m wearing combat boots that are, now, too small for my feet. I’ve grown a little in size over the past two years, though compared to Eren’s size and height, my mere inch in height and twenty pounds of body mass go unseen. My dark gray pants hug my thighs and ass tightly. They’re tight, but not tight enough to suffocate my balls. I shudder at the thought of the pair of pants that Hanji gave me that are still sitting in my closet. I chose to wear a simple white shirt tonight, branching out from my usual black or dark gray shirts. The white shirt flows well with my pale skin and stretches tight across my chest and tight around my upper arms. I painted my fingernails black and painted my eyes with dark eyeliner, causing my gray eyes to pop. My silver studded earrings match the silver bars through my nipples, which, I grin smugly, you can barely make out through my white shirt.

I know I look good, the looks the girls in front of me throw over their shoulders only boasting my ego. One even tries to smile at me. I see she has green eyes. I glare at her, wanting her green eyes to look away from me, because one: she has a vagina and honestly, good god no. Two: her green eyes have that brightness and light that one of Eren’s eyes have and I can’t take it.

She looks away quickly.

The girls don’t try to look at me again and I walk down the quaint street at a leisure pace, not too eager to walk into a bar where people are going to be pushed and shoved against each other to get to the bar or to a potential fuck mate.

The Scouting Legion has gotten pretty popular lately, though. Even though in the last two years they’ve been through four different lead singers, fans still go to their shows. Some go for Erwin. Mostly to look at him, but they stay because he’s pretty good at the guitar. Some go because they find Hanji hilarious and she’s known for talking to fans after shows and buying them a round of shots. Mike just stays near Hanji, mostly, quickly scaring off guys who try to pick her up.

The group of girls file into the bar and I follow. By the door, a sign says the bar capacity is 150 people. As I walk through the front door and is greeted by warm, sweat scented air, I can guarantee at least two hundred people are loitering around the bar. Bodies are swaying to the overhead music on the dance floor below the stage. People are clustered around ten small circular tables across the bar. People are pushing and shoving at the bar, trying to get the bartender’s attention for drinks. By the front door is a staircase that leads to a second level, though a velvet rope strikes across them, closing them off.

I’m looking around for a pair of goggles or a pair of giant eyebrows when a large hand clasps my shoulder and a pair of lips brush my ear.

“Are you an alien? Because your ass is out of this world,” Erwin’s voice graces my ears.

I shrug off the hand on my shoulder and turn to find Erwin and Hanji both smiling widely at me. Mike simply tilts his head up in greeting.

I turn to Erwin. “Does my ass really look good?”

Erwin nods once, “Phenomenal.”

“Good. I’d like to say it’s my most redeeming quality.”

“Really? For me it’s your sparkling personality,” Erwin laughs lightly.

Hanji giggles, “Really? For me it’s how willing you are to talk about your feelings.”

Mike shrugs, “It was your ass for me.”

I point to Erwin and go down the line, “Fuck you. Fuck you. Thank you,” I say as I land on Mike.

Hanji’s laugh is almost loud enough to drown out the other noises of the bar. “No need to be so stingy.”

Erwin nods, “I’m actually surprised you came.”

I shrug, “I needed to get laid.” Then I remember, “So, hey, who joined your shitty band?” I look around, trying to spot a familiar face that could be the singer. When I don’t see anyone I turn back to them. I’m taken aback when I find Erwin and Mike both looking at me with lifted eyebrows.

“I told you! It’s a surprise!” Hanji exclaims, her face up and excited. Mike and Erwin both turn to look at her and she only smiled widely at them.

“Yeah,” Erwin says slowly after a second, “it’s one hell of a surprise.”

“Hanji…” Mike begins to say just as slowly.

“What the fuck is going on?” I ask, annoyed at them all.

“Nothing, Levi! He’s just backstage right now. But, any who! We got the owner to close off the top floor for everyone except you.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I know you hate crowds and you don’t want to be in all that,” she motioned her hand to the crowd of people moving and swaying in front of us.

For a moment I’m stunned. “Uh, thanks…” I say, uncomfortable at her niceness.

Hanji waves her hand through the air aimlessly, “Don’t even mention it. Well we gotta go. We’re going on in, like, ten minutes so we need to get backstage. You go get a drink, have a few shots, get upstairs and just relax.”

I turn to Mike. “What’s wrong with her?”

Mike sighs and places both hands on Hanji’s shoulders and spin her around in the direction of the stage. “I ask myself that everyday.” Mike and Hanji set off into the clusters of bodies with a last departing shout from Hanji.

Erwin stands next to me and shakes his head.

“Seriously, what the fuck is up with her tonight?” I ask, annoyed.

Erwin stops shaking his head and turns to meet my glare. “Just…” he sighs, “Just don’t leave after the first song, okay?” With that, Erwin pushes through the crowd.

I stand there for a whole three seconds before I make my way to the bar. I don’t want to leave my car here, so I can’t get drunk. I forget ordering shots and decide for a beer. It takes a minute for me to shove and push my way through the people surrounding the bar. There was no way I was waiting long before getting my drink so I just decided to push through. I was called ‘Asshole’ a couple times, and even stepped on a really hot guy’s foot, but I finally made my way through.

A couple minutes later, with a cold beer in hand, I made my way up the stairs. The upstairs was basically a long balcony that wrapped around the side of the room that faced the stage. A barred half fence lined the edge of the balcony and three tables sat on it. One on the far left side, the one in the middle closet to me, and one on the far right. From up here I could see the dance floor and stage perfectly. I sat down at the middle table and placed my beer on the table and looked out at the people dancing on the floor. I saw couples wind and wrap themselves up with each other. I saw strangers ogle strangers in some kind of weird mating call.

Holy shit, I see some dude’s hand down the skirt of the girl who was eying me outside. I laugh, despite myself.

The lights overhead suddenly dimmed and the overhead music grew silent. A spotlight highlighted the empty stage where Mike’s drums, Hanji’s guitar, and a couple of microphones sat. I sipped my beer lazily as I heard to crowd start chanting.

“Scouting Legion! Scouting Legion!”

I heard a few “Erwin fuck me!” and “Hanji, baby!” I even heard someone call out for Mike. I’m sitting there, listening to random people cheer on for my friends, and a small smile graces my lips. I’m alone up here so no one can see it. I’m proud of them. They came a far way.

Though, they’re still a shitty band.

The crowd starts screaming when Erwin walks out of stage, holding his guitar. From up here, I’m close enough to see the sweat on his forehead glisten. He smiles and waves at the crowd for looking up straight at me. I wrinkle my eyebrows when I see him mouth something at me.

_I’m sorry._

I barely make it out, but I’m one hundred percent sure he mouthed those words. I look at him confused, until the rest of the band walks out onto the stage. I notice that Mike is carrying a violin, or some kind of thing like it. Fuck I don’t know music. But my eyes quickly turn to the person behind Mike and his different instrument.

My hand tightens around my beer violently. “You _fucking_ bitch.” I whisper through my teeth, hoping Hanji can hear me over everything.

Eren is here. Eren is on stage. Eren is the new singer. Eren is looking up at the second floor.

Eren is looking at me.

With the spotlight shining down, and his eyes looking up, I can’t breathe.

Two and a half weeks I haven’t looked into his eyes. Two and a half weeks of being haunted by the memory of them, and now, here, I’m reunited with them, and all I feel like doing is to run. To run away or straight to him, I’m not sure. The urge to run and flee is strong. But my face starts to prickle at the emotions that’s swirling inside. His eyes are undoing everything I’ve built up inside me. Untwining all the excuses of why I broke up with him. Undoing all the lies I told myself about how I can live without him and the breakup was for _him._ With one simple look from across the room, he breaks down the walls I’ve been bricking up since before we broke up and suddenly I have to face head on what’s raging inside me.

I didn’t break up with him because he deserves better. Fucking shit, I am a goddamn selfish man. I broke up with the brat because I was in love with him and I couldn’t handle it. Him sleeping with Jean, him not answering why he wants to stay with me was just an easy cop out. I needed an excuse to leave. I needed a reason to suddenly break off ties with him. Being in love is scary, and I wasn’t ready to face the horror of completely offering myself up to him.

He has already offered himself up to me and I fucking turned away. I broke him, because I was too scared to break myself.

Suddenly, almost violently, I realize I hate myself.

“Hey guys!” Hanji says into the microphone near her keyboard.

The crowd roars in greetings.

“Tonight the Scouting Legion would like you to meet our new lead singer, Eren Jaeger!” Hanji laughs freely into the microphone, like she doesn’t know that she just moved something in me. “Say hi, Eren!”

Eren leans forward and speaks into the microphone, his eyes still on me. “Hello, everyone. Some of you might know me from 104th Trainees,” a lot of people cheer, “But it’s an honor being here.”

_His voice._

I hear girls squeal down below, probably taking in Eren. I couldn’t disagree with them. I haven’t seen Eren in almost three weeks and it seems like I have forgotten what he looked like because there’s no way in hell Eren was this hot when we were together.

Eren’s hair is straightened tonight, which means that his ends don’t curl and that they brush the top of his shoulders. He’s wearing a white shirt that hugs his body and a black vest. And…

I bite my lower lip, overcome with sudden emotions I don’t want to feel.

Eren is wearing the red pants he was wearing two years ago on the night we met.

“Our first song,” Hanji speaks, quieting the crowd, “is a little different than most of our songs. In case you didn’t notice Mike over there! This song is an Eren Jaeger original, and we’d like to start off with it.”

“Uh, yeah,” Eren finally breaks eye contact with me to look out into the crowd below me. “This song is dedicated to someone dear to me.”

My heart is squeezing itself.

Mike stands behind his drums, and I see it’s because his foot is on the petal to beat at the drum by his feet.

The song begins with Erwin strumming his guitar in an almost gentle caress. He strums for a few seconds before Eren opens his mouth to sing.

“ _As the light washes over the morning rise._

 _You’re still asleep, and that’s alright._ ”

Erwin’s smooth strumming continues. Hanji’s fingers start to dance on her keyboard.

“ _I can be still, ‘cause you look so sweet._

_And beautiful, next to me.”_

Mike starts to move the bow I didn’t see in his hand across the instrument’s strings.

“ _And all my life, I’ve been waiting for someone like you._

 _To make me smile,_ ”

My body shudders at Eren’s voice when he stretches out ‘smile’. His voice is deep and smooth, like smoke slowly swirling up from a burnt cigarette.

“ _You make me feel alive._

_And you’re giving me everything I’ve ever wanted in life._

_You make me smile, and I forget to breathe._

_What’s an angel like you ever do with a devil like me?_ ”

My chest tightens and I involuntarily smile at that line. My eyes start to feel heavy.

“ _You make me smile._

_You make me smile.”_

Mike beats the drum with his petal.

“ _You make me smile._

Eren half whispered the last ‘smile’. Eren’s slowly looks out into the crowd while Erwin strums his guitar, then he looks up and meets my eyes again.

His eyes are wide and I can read everything in them, even from the second floor across the room.

“ _Still in bed._

_Sun is beating down, in the hotel room, on the edge of town._

_Wake up, baby, there’s three hundred miles to drive,_

_And the truck stop preacher, he said God is on our side._ ”

I suddenly feel sick. His eyes are becoming too much. The emptiness I’ve been feeling in the last few weeks, the denial I’ve been feeling in the last few weeks being too much for me to handle.

“ _And all my life, I’ve been waiting for someone like you._

_To make me smile,_

_You make me feel alive._

_And you’re giving me everything I’ve ever wanted in life._

_You make me smile, and I forget to breathe._

_What’s an angel like you ever do with a devil like me?_

_You make me smile._

_Ohhh, smile._

_You make me smile,_ ” Eren’s voice changes octaves a couple times during that last word, but he still sounds amazing. “ _Yeah._ ”

I rip my eyes from Eren’s when Erwin start to shred his guitar, moving his long fingers in a swift motion to get every note out. The music that engulfs the whole bar is smooth and gentle. It washes over me in waves and I feel like I’m swimming, not drowning. When I look into Eren’s eyes again as he starts to sing, I don’t feel like drowning, but my eyes definitely do.

I haven’t cried in years. The last time I cried, that I can remember, is when I was in middle school and Erwin and Hanji got beaten up for sticking up for me. They were trying to protect me and they got hurt in the process. I remember I cried over their cuts and bruises and I promised them I would become strong, that they would never have to protect me again.

I bet Erwin has forgotten about that, but I know Hanji hasn’t. She never forgets.

“ _And all,_ ” Eren stretches ‘all’ out longer this time, “ _My life I’ve been waiting for someone like you._

_To make me smile,_

_You make me feel alive._ ”

Eren half shouts, his voice tight with emotions that reflect in his eyes, “ _And you’ve giving me everything,_

_Everything I’ve ever needed in life._

_You make me smile, and I forget to breathe._

_What’s an angel like you ever do,_ ” he sings the note out, “ _with a devil like me?_

_You make me smile._

_You make me smile._

_You make me smile._

_You make me smile,_ ”

Eren smiles shakily at me, his eyes swimming. Erwin’s strumming and Hanji’s playing ceases until it is only Mike caressing the stings of his instrument with his bow.

“ _You make me smile._ ”

Eren’s voice echoes hauntingly around the silent, stunned bar as Mike finishes his last note and ends the song.

The crowd is quiet for a second before a loud cheer manifests. Girls are clapping madly while tears drip from their eyes, moved by Eren’s words or Eren’s voice or both, I’m not sure, but I know that none of the bitches are feeling anything close to what I’m feeling.

Which is too much. Too much of everything and nothing and I don’t know what I’m feeling, but warm tears are cascading down my cheeks and I need to get out of here because suddenly everything in this bar feels too big and too small at the same time. I know no one can see me on top of this balcony, but I feel like thousands of pairs of eyes are watching me.

Eren’s stare is on me when I lift myself from the table and head down the stairs. I stop on the last stair when a body blocks me from moving any further.

“Levi,” Jean sneers.

 _You’ve got to be kidding me. You are_ fucking _kidding me._

“Either you move right now or you die.” I say, my voice surprisingly hard, when everything inside of me is mushy and broken.

“Why are you crying? You’re the one who dumped him.” Jean spits.

“Fuck you,” I spit back.

Jean smiles cruelly, “I forgot how good Eren tastes. How he looks at you with those eyes when you fuck h--,” his cocky sentence is interrupted by the swing of my fist. Since I’m standing on a step, I’m taller than him by a few inches, so my fist connects hard and solid with his face. No one pays us any attention because all of it is on Eren singing on stage, already moved on to a second song. I can’t even hear the words or, really, his voice cause all I can focus on is Jean.

Jean with his stupid hair and his stupid horse face. Jean that had his hands on the boy I now realize I love.

Jean is bent down at the waist, holding his nose as blood begins to leak between his fingers. I take the last step, moving the velvet rope out of the way, and stop in front of him. He looks up and I reach forward and grab the front of his shirt.

His face is close to mine, but not close enough for him to get blood on me. “If you lay one more finger on him, I. Will. Kill. You.” I shake his body with each word.

I let go and turn to walk out the front door.

“He came to me!” Jean shouts madly.

I just lift my middle finger up over my shoulder and push out into the night.

I know he went to Jean. I pushed him to Jean. Eren only did what any person would do in his situation. His situation being him being in a cold relationship where his partner doesn’t know what love is or how to express it. Being in a relationship with a dick who can’t get over himself to show his heart and finally accept the other.

Being in a relationship with me is problematic.

Being in a relationship with me should be illegal.

The street outside the bar has a few people standing around smoking. The cigarette smoke fills my nostrils and I’m so tempted. Eren convinced me to quit six months within our relationship. I haven’t picked up a cigarette in a year and a half. I didn’t know I was addicted to them until I had to quit.

I didn’t know I was addicted to Eren until I made him leave.

Walking away from the smokers, I decide I’m not ready to return home. I don’t want to go back to a place where everything reminds me of Eren. Where my bed speaks memories of when Eren and I fucked, made love, or just held each other. My couch where we would watch old movies together or read together. My bathtub where he used to always sing to me as he washed my hair.

Everything in my apartment lives with Eren, and I can’t handle it.

I stop at the door to the burger joint and breathe in the scent of grease and beef. My stomach rumbles, probably not from being hungry, but I go in anyway and take a table. The booths are a shiny and squeaky blue and the tables are made to look like black marble. Gray and white swirls decorate the tiled black floor and pictures of old movie stars hang on the walls. I honestly have no idea what kind of theme this diner is trying to have, but I like it. It’s messed up and confusing. It reminds me a little of myself.

I only looked over the menu for ten seconds before a waiter came to my table, wearing black shorts and a blue shirt. His collar was popped and he had a gold hoop through his cartilage.

“What can I get for you?” the waiter asks, his voice low. I look up fully from the menu and look up at him. His name tag reads “Farlan” and he has a messy head of hair that sweeps in every direction. His eyes are a mixture of blue and gray and they’re really wide.

And dilated.

I raise an eyebrow. Farlan visibly swallows.

“Just a,” I look at the menu again, avoiding his eyes, “double cheeseburger with no pickles.”

“To drink?”

“Water.” I don’t look up until I hear him walk away. When I do, I can’t stop my eyes from taking in the details of Farlan’s ass. It’s skinny and not as round as Eren’s.

For almost ten minutes I just sit there, staring at the table. I memorize the pattern of the white dots on the table and rub my hands together. My eyes feel itchy, but I refuse to wipe them. Mostly because of my eyeliner, I don’t want to smudge it, but another reason is because if I do rub them, then I’m admitting to myself that I cried.

I don’t cry.

I huff out a sigh. I can still hear Eren’s voice in my head. I can’t remember most of the words, but I can remember the gist of it. He was answering my question.

_“Why are you even with me?”_

“ _You make me smile. You make me feel alive.”_

I lean my back up against the smooth booth and slide until my butt is barely seated on the seat. Was that his answer? Was that song even dedicated to me? He was looking straight at me, looked straight me like he knew I was going to be there. But Jean was there… Was Eren surprised to see me there? Maybe Hanji set up this whole thing and blinded us both. I’m going to fucking maim her. Unless Eren said something to her… But why would he?

I suddenly clench my fist and bang the table once.

When did I become just like a hormonal girl? Why am I panicking over every little thing? Who fucking cares if Eren wanted me there. _I don’t_.

My fist relaxes. And I sigh again at the table.

I want to see him. I need to talk to him. His song echoes in the dark corners of my heart and I need to see his eyes up close. I need to tell him I was wrong and I need to make him stay with me. I am a selfish man and I can’t let him go.

My phone buzzes in my pocket.

If Eren says no, then I’m forcing him. He doesn’t understand. The night he ran after me into the alley the first night we met, he became mine. No. The day I saved his ass in high school—I remember fully now—was the day he became mine. I can protect him from others.

And now that I seem to have my shit together, I can protect him from me. I’m not scared of my feelings for him anymore. I’m not terrified of the weakness I have for him, because I’m stronger with him.

The fact that I made him feel worse than I did these last two and a half weeks make me want to vomit. I hurt him, and it’s killing me. I need to see him soon.

The buzzing in my pocket won’t stop.

Annoyed, I thumb it out of my pocket and almost drop it.

Eren’s face is smiling up at me. I swallow roughly and answer.

“Hello?”

“Where are you?” Eren shouts in my ear.

Pulling the phone back from my ear, I say, “Holy fuck, don’t shout, scumbag.”

“Levi, I need to see you. Where are you? Are you heading home? I’m outside the bar and I can’t see your car. Please, Levi, just see me for five minutes.”

I had stopped listening when I saw Eren pacing frenziedly in front of the diner’s window. He’s looking at the ground as he paces and is pulling fistfuls of hair. He keeps looking out into the street, I guess trying to spot my car. From the booth, I can tell he’s sweaty and flustered, probably from all the fans in the bar that wanted to talk to him.

He’s beautiful.

“Levi, please. I’m dying. Need to see you. It’s been three weeks.”

I remember I can speak. “It’s been two and a half.”

I watch as Eren’s shoulders shake in a breathless laugh. It sounded sad. “Too long.”

My stomach flips. “You’re wearing the pants.”

Eren nods, even though he thinks I can’t see him. “I am.”

“You look like an idiot.” I say softly.

“Levi,” Eren says equally as softly.

I don’t know what caused Eren to turn around, but something in the diner must have caught his eye because before I know it he’s facing me and his wide eyes are scanning my face. He stands there for a full ten seconds with his phone glued to his ear before he hangs up and walks into the diner.

Within seconds he’s standing in front of me, breathing heavily.

“Levi…” Eren’s eyes are wide and his hands are shaking.

“Eren, sit down.” I say as evenly as I can.

Eren nods once before taking the booth seat across from me. For a second, time slows down and all that matters right now in the entire fucking world is that Eren is in front of me. Eren is looking at me with eyes that say he loves me. Eren reaching out his hand to touch me.

I mirror him and our hands meet halfway across the table.

Eren lets out a sigh of relief at the touch of my skin. I feel exactly the same.

“I’m sorry,” we say simultaneously.

Eren pulls back a bit, “What? Why are you sorry?”

“Why are _you_ sorry?” I ask. He’s done nothing wrong. Everything went wrong because of me.

Eren’s eyebrows furrow. “I cheated…” His face twists sourly.

I shake my head. “Doesn’t matter. I made you cheat.”

“What?” Eren asks, his hand tightening in mine.

“I push you away. I’m distant and cold. I don’t make you happy.” I whisper, focusing on his nose because looking him in the eyes would be too much.

Eren shakes his head. “Levi, no. That’s fucking insane. You make me happy.”

I start to shake my head, “No. You put everything into this relationship and I give you nothing in return.”

Eren pulls back his hand and leans back in his seat. My breathing hitches at the loss of contact and the sudden expression painting Eren’s face. It’s offended.

“Are you kidding me? Did you just say you give me nothing in return? Did you not listen to the song I sang for you? Are you fucking deaf or just really stupid?”

That hits a nerve and suddenly the pity party I was throwing for myself was over.

“You watch your fucking tone around me, brat.” I snap.

Eren still looks mad. “I’ll talk to you like that as long as you are stupid and delusional.”

“I’m not delusional.” I half shout.

And of course that’s when Farlan returns with my food and drink. Which kinda pisses me off because, seriously, how long does it take to get a glass of water?

I pull some money from my back pocket as I stand up and hand it to a confused Farlan.

“Here. Not hungry. Give it to someone else.” I start to walk away.

“Levi! You can’t just leave!” Eren yells after me.

“Watch me,” I bite.

I walk out the door and to the direction of my car. I don’t care that I’m walking away. Walking away from Eren. He doesn’t see that I make him unhappy. He’s stupid. _He’s_ the delusional one.

A hand grabs my shoulder and spins me.

“Why are you so angry? Why are you leaving?” Eren shouts, his eyes wide and flashing.

I snap. “Because I love you, you fucking twat! And I don’t want to hurt you!”

People loitering outside the bar and across the street are watching us, but I don’t take much notice because suddenly tears are filling Eren’s eyes. I’m about to open my mouth to say something, anything, to prevent them from falling before Eren grinds his teeth and walks roughly ahead of me, his hand sliding from my shoulder to grip my wrist and pulling me along with him.

“You idiot! You are a fucking _idiot_!” Eren cries out, walking jaggedly down the street, barely maneuvering pass people. “Where’s your car, you stinking idiot?” He yells back at me.

I know I have the strength to put a halt to his dragging. But I don’t.

“Two blocks down, car park lot,” I reply.

For two blocks, Eren pulls me down the street, not talking to me, but silently fuming. His hand squeezes and relaxes around my wrist before he squeezes tightly again. At one point I look up to the sky and can’t find the moon. It’s a clear night, but I can’t find the moon.

Eren spots my car before I do and he drags me to it.

“Get in the back seat,” he hisses through his teeth.

I say nothing and do as he says.

When I open the backseat door and sit down, facing him, Eren puts his hands on my waist and pushes me back. My butt slides frictionless on the leather seats until my back hits the opposite car door. I watch with wide eyes as Eren stands up from his crouch, looks around for people that aren’t there and climbs into the backseat with me.

“Eren, what…?” I start to ask but stop immediately when Eren’s hands start fumbling with my jean’s button and zipper.

“Levi, you make me happy.” Eren says, his eyes connecting with my crotch. “You’re everything I want. I miss you. And you love me, and I’m sucking you off right now.” With that he pulls down my zipper.

I reach up and grip his shoulder, pushing him away from me. He only growls lowly and pushes forward more.

“Eren, stop.”

Eren’s hands on my hips that were pushing my jeans down, stops and he meets me eyes.

“Why?” he asks, his voice low and filled with lust.

I swallow, my heart is racing a thousand miles at the moment. “You’re not thinking rationally.” I say lamely.

“Levi, I love you.” Eren says confidently.

My eyes widen.

“And you love me?” It’s a question.

Eren is kneeled above me in the backseat of my car. The air in here is starting to become thick and a thin layer of sweat cakes my and Eren’s skin. He’s yelling like a madman, is looking like a madman.

And I love him.

“Yes,” I whisper.

Eren’s eyes soften considerably and he reaches out. His hands rests on him cheek and his thumb caresses my bottom lip. “Then let me love you.”

My lower lip trembles under his thumb. “I’m no good for you,” I whisper pathetically.

“That’s for me to decide.” And with that, Eren’s other hand reaches in my pants and pulls out my dick.

I lift my hips when Eren starts to tug my pants more down, his face so close to my cock that I can feel his heated breaths on my skin and I harden into a semi chubby.

Eren sighs, looking longingly at my cock, like the fucking freak that he is. “I’ve missed you, Levi. I’m sorry about Jean.”

“I don’t care,” I hiss, wanting his mouth on me now because _goddamn_ , it’s been two and a half weeks too long. “Just fucking suck me off already.”

I feel Eren’s silent laugh on the skin of my cock. His face inches forward and I feel my leg be pulled over his shoulder while the other rests on the car floor. His hot tongue flicks at the head.

I hiss through my teeth, feeling like my skin is on fire. The window against the back of my neck and scalp feels cool against my burning skin. I watch as Eren looks up at me with his too large eyes and slowly swipe his tongue under the head of my, now fully swollen, cock. A jolt of pleasure strikes through me as he plays with the sensitive under head. His wet tongue lapping at the head in feverishly licks and sloppy open mouth kisses.

He’s teasing me.

“Eren,” I say warningly.

Eren’s mouth closes around the head of my cock. I watch as he hollows out his cheeks and sucks. The intense suction mixed with the warmth and softness of his tongue is almost my undoing. A dull fire crackles to life in my lower abdominal.

One of Eren’s hands reaches up from under him and squeezes around the base of my cock. His fingers are hot against my skin and so, _so_ smooth. I watch him watch me as he lowers his head to take more of me into his mouth. I can feel his tongue working at the underside of my cock and I’ve never seen Eren look this beautiful.

Eren’s eyes finally turn away from mine and I take that as an invite to lean my head more back into the glass and close my eyes. My breath is coming out in uneven huffs, and whines and loud moans slip pass my lips whenever Eren’s tongue licks the sensitive under head or when he licks into the slit. I feel that, whenever Eren pays close attention to my head, his hand is doing work at the base of my cock. Pushing and pulling, creating a heated friction that only makes me more swollen and hard.

The burn in my stomach is a raging forest fire now. Pleasure courses through me as Eren’s head bobs up and down and I hear loud, slippery sounds escape from Eren’s stuffed mouth. I open my eyes and look down at him only to find him looking at me again. His eyes are so hooded and dilated that I can barely make out the colors of his eyes.

“Eren…” I whimper.

He hums around my cock and the vibration makes me moan loudly.

“E-Eren, I can’t- can’t live without you…” I moan loudly. Unwanted tears fill up my eyes.

Eren’s eye widen largely and shimmer in the dull light that shines from the streetlight across the lot.

Eren’s hand squeezes my cock tightly at the same moment he gently grazes his teeth under the head.

I come. I come so hard that I quickly fill up Eren’s mouth and it’s overflowing. I watch as cum leaks from the corners of Eren’s mouth and slides down his chin. I see Eren try to swallow everything like a good boy. I feel Eren still lick the head.

“Eren, please,” I whine.

He lifts his mouth off my cock and licks his lips. The windows around us are fogged and the interior is really dark, but I can see him perfectly. The only sound that’s being made is our heavy breathing.

Until Eren opens his mouth. “Marry me.”

I close my eyes, not entirely surprised he would pull this.

“Did you seriously say that with my cum on your face?” I ask, trying to sound annoyed but it sounded more amused.

Eren’s grin is small, but his eyes are huge. “More proof of me loving you.”

“You’re twenty-one.”

“I want to be with you always, Levi.”

“I didn’t know I was in love with you until I made you leave.” I explain.

“Things happen for a reason.”

In the back of my car, Eren is looking at me with such unwavering eyes.

“Eren…” I begin.

“Levi,” he stops me. “I want to marry you. Not now. When we both have jobs. When you’re more confident in your feelings. When you’re not afraid of making me unhappy. I want to marry you and be with you because you make me feel everything and anything.”

“Why are you saying all this?” I ask breathlessly.

“Because you asked me why I was with you. So I’m answering.”

It’s silent for a couple seconds before I open my mouth.

“So you want to marry me?” I ask.

“I do.”

I smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you and goodnight!~
> 
> greeneyedskank.tumblr.com


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